I Remember
by Obi the Kid
Summary: Intro to my new series: A string of short stories from Niko's POV - Memories from he and Cal's life together.
1. I Remember

This is another series, I hope to play with. This one, a series of Niko POV moments as he remembers moments from his life as they relate to Cal. The stories will take place at random points in their lives, from the time Cal was born to present day.

This here is the introduction. The first story in the series, "Hero" will follow.

* * *

_I Remember…_

* * *

_I remember my past. Some of those memories living in vivid detail. Every thought, every feeling, every word, etched into my mind forever. Most of those memories, the good, the bad and the ugly, involve my brother, Cal. From the moment I set eyes on him, when Sophia tossed him into my arms at barely minutes old, he became my world. I was mother, father, brother, teacher, comforter, protector and when needed, disciplinarian._

_I can recall every last one of Cal's milestones. I can detail his best moments and his worst. Not one item of importance ever passed me by without becoming imprinted into my psyche. From the first word he ever spoke as a child, to the first word he spoke upon returning from Tumulus…and events between and since, I was there. I remember. We keep no photo albums. We maintain no online iclouds of memories. What we have is with us always. What I have is the most significant part of who and what I am and will always be. What I am, I am because of Cal. _

_I remember…because he is my brother._


	2. Hero

**Title**: Hero

**Series Title:** I Remember

**Author:** Obi the Kid

**Rating:** PG

**Chapter Summary:** A school assignment has 6-year-old Cal excited.

**Series Summary:** A string of short stories from Niko's POV - Memories from he and Cal's life together.

**Disclaimer**: All hail Rob Thurman! No profit here, I'm just having fun.

**Note:** I actually wrote this prior to the release of _Slashback_, but having quickly fallen in love with that new book in the series (it is SO good!), I thought this the perfect time to post this.

* * *

_I remember…when Cal was just six and a month into first grade. Before he grew to dislike learning and before his cynical side reared it's wretched head. I'd registered him for school. Found ways to make sure he always had a backpack and sneakers. And I'd walked him to and from school, every single day, as I did on this day. I'd known how important Cal was to me but on this particular day, I found out how important I was to Cal._

* * *

I sat in the front row of my fifth grade class. Always in front. Always the first chair nearest the door. Easier to digest the lesson and to also make sure that I was first out of the room in the afternoon so I could meet my brother in front of the school. We would walk home together.

Today was Friday. Bright and sunny and warm. Cal loved being warm. His short legs carried him to me in a run as he waved a paper in his hand, happily screaming my name.

"Nik Nik Nik!"

I reached him, he bounced into and then off me, shoving the paper into my chest.

"I did it, Nik! I got an A!"

Ruffling his dark hair, I glanced at the one piece of lined white paper. On it was a drawing. A sketch. More a stick figure really. It had hands and fingers (there was a large book in each of the hands), feet and toes (complete with toenails), yellow hair (in a short pony tail) and a red cape attached to the neck. Under the drawing was my name and in big bold capital letters, the word HERO. Under that, several reasonably good sentences (for a newly turned six year old) as to why 'Niko' was his little brother's hero.

Glancing over and beyond, I saw a woman approaching. She introduced herself.

"I am Miss Riley. Cal's teacher."

"Hi," I said, wondering why his teacher was here if he wasn't in trouble. At least he didn't appear to be in trouble. One never knew with a six year old boy, especially when that boy was this particular boy. "I'm Niko. Cal's brother."

My gray eyes fell to the paper once more as Miss Riley explained, "The class had an assignment today. Draw your hero and explain why that person is your hero."

Cal pulled at my shirt, "I got an A, Nik," he repeated.

"I see that. Don't interrupt Miss Riley though, okay?"

Nodding quickly, Cal refocused on the teacher. Miss Riley continued. "While his artistic skills are comparable to all others in the class – if perhaps more entertaining and detailed – his sentence skills and hand writing are a notch above most of the other students. He says that you teach him how to do better in school."

"I do. I give him extra lessons almost every day." Eyes down again, I read the sentences that Cal had written. The handwriting was a bit sloppy, but I chalked that up to his age and that pesky streak of laziness that I knew he had in him.

Niko is my hero because…

He makes sure I have dinner every day.

He makes sure my sneakers do not have holes in them.

He takes care of me and makes my bad dreams go away.

He does not let the monsters outside get me.

He loves me no matter what.

He's my big brother.

"You see," Miss Riley remarked, "Most other students were not so complete and collected. Cal actually put thought into the assignment. That shows a great deal."

"Nik, I got an A." Cal tugged at me again as I quirked my lips in a small smile as I suddenly became more aware than ever as to my significance in his life. Me, a ten-year-old money and food starved kid with a verbally abusive, hateful mother…I was absolutely everything to Cal. "Nik," he repeated, "I got an A."

Huffing a laugh at his persistence, I told him, "Yes, I can see that. It's very good. I'm proud of you, little brother."

A delighted grin smothered his pale face as he worked to contain his young energy, bouncing on the balls of his feet and ready at a moment's notice to tell me about the 'A' again. He was so proud of himself. I was glad for it too. This was a big deal that meant something to him. Something beyond our current, yet temporary, white trash trailer home, evil-spatting mother and red-eyed monsters that had begun to haunt our windows at night. This was something that made him just like other kids - getting a good grade on a school assignment.

Miss Riley interrupted my thoughts. "Please be sure that your mother see's his paper, Niko."

Nodding, I fibbed to the teacher, "She's not home much. She works a lot." It was a minor lie, but between Cal's talk of monsters and bad dreams, I didn't want Miss Riley asking questions about our home life. If they found out the real truth, Cal and I would be taken away and separated. No ten-year-old should be responsible for the complete raising of his little brother after all, right? It wouldn't happen though. Never would Cal and I ever be pulled apart from each other. Not ever.

Cal started for my attention again. "Nik…"

I hushed him with the simple saying of his name in a tone he knew meant for him to stop talking. It was hard for him, but he achieved what I asked.

"Miss Riley, we should go home now. I have to help Cal with his homework and feed him dinner before it gets late." My hand set gently on the nape of Cal's neck after pulling a loose strap of his backpack to a more secure position. The teacher noticed the subtle action and the care with which I'd handled my vigorous little brother. She smiled at us.

"I will see you tomorrow morning then, Cal."

With the slightest of knee brushes, I alerted Cal that he should say something to her, other than, 'I got an A.' Even at his age, he got my understated messages loud and clear most of the time.

"Thank you, Miss Riley. See you in the morning too. Niko walks me to school. Niko doesn't like to be late, so he makes me not be late. Sometimes though without Niko, I might be late. But not tomorrow. I won't be late tomorrow."

I tapped him on the ear. I would usually give it a gentle flick, but with the teacher present…

"She gets the point, Cal. Let's go home."

We walked off. I didn't look back, but I knew Miss Riley was watching us. We'd confused her, but not enough for a home check. Not yet anyway. Truth be told, we'd probably be out of this school and in another state by the time they figured something was off with our home life.

Cal's paper was in my hand as I read it again. I'd felt the demands of raising him since he was born. Me being only four years older than my brother, it was hard most of the time. And smelly. Disgusting at times too. But this paper proved that I was doing right by Cal and if we only had each other, that was okay. Wasn't it?

For six years I'd taken care of my brother. For six years, I've put him above anything else in my life. I keep him safe from our mom. I keep him safe from his nightmares. I keep him safe from the monsters with the red eyes and needle teeth that stalk him through closed windows. I'm only a kid, but I know monsters are real, not simply some imaginary fantasy hiding in the closet.

The white paper became unexpectedly heavy in my hand as I felt another weight being pressed onto my young shoulders. My mind wandered into insecure thoughts. Could I keep this up? Could I keep us clothed, fed and together? Could I keep my brother safe from the world and it's monsters for the rest of his life? I didn't know any of it for certain.

Cal did though; without a doubt in his mind.

Maybe that was enough.

"Hey, Nik?" Cal looked up at me with a brightness in his eyes that I didn't often see. We kept walking.

"I know, I know. You got an A."

A giggle followed. Cal wasn't much of a giggler, but every so often, one came fluttering out and he was at that moment, nothing more than your everyday average child. Normal.

"I already told you thaaaaat. Because I did good can we get ice cream? Please, please, please?"

My pockets contained a grand total of forty-seven cents. I couldn't buy a piece of ice with that, much less ice cream. But this was my little brother. He looked up to me. I took care of him. And he'd just gotten an A. Somehow, I would find a way to get him some ice cream tonight.

"Sure we can, Cal. But homework and dinner first, okay?"

"Okay and you can have part of my dinner and part of my ice cream."

An emotional ache blasted through me then. Cal knew that Sophia hadn't left us much food for the week and that we had to make it last. And more often than not, the food she would leave for us wasn't enough for two growing boys. And again more often than not, it frequently meant that I would go without. Yet despite my grumbling stomach it was all right. Cal was my brother. I'd do anything for him. But the fact that he recognized my sacrifice…it hurt, in a good way. And I loved him even more for it.

"Right, Nik? I can share with you right?"

Wiping a bit of wetness from my eyes, I gave a yank on his stumpy black ponytail. We didn't get many haircuts, and he wanted to have a ponytail like his big brother did. His was a work in progress.

"I'd like that, Cal. Thank you."

"Okay. Can we race home?"

"I'll give you a head start. Ready? Go!"

I took out the neighbor's trash that evening for fifty cents and walked another's dog for a dollar. I pulled two dollars in quarters from the top of Sophia's clothes dresser. She'd know it was gone, but I didn't care this time. Cal deserved ice cream and I deserved dinner. The money was enough to get us two hot dogs, a single Coke and one ice cream sandwich at the local gas station.

When Cal broke the treat in half, he made sure that I got the bigger piece.

* * *

_I remember that day with a clarity I can't quite explain. It was a good day for my brother and I. One of our best._

_I still have that "Hero" paper too. It's part of me and I keep it safe. Always will._

_And did you know…that Cal got an 'A'?_

_The End_


	3. Valor and Fish Sticks

**Title**: Valor and Fish Sticks

**Series Title:** I Remember

**Author:** Obi the Kid

**Rating:** PG

**Chapter Summary:** After the events of _Roadkill_, Niko flashes back to when Cal was four.

**Series Summary:** A string of short stories from Niko's POV - Memories from he and Cal's life together.

**Disclaimer**: All hail Rob Thurman! No profit here, I'm just having fun.

* * *

_We're here, resting in a hotel room before our trip home. The road trip from hell finally over. We are all alive and intact in some form or another, if changed forever. Cal's Auphe side had come out to play and play hard during our journey. We'd gotten him back, but with major steps in the wrong direction. He's sleeping now; sprawled out on the rutted hotel mattress. Restless. Twitchy. His norm. I won't sleep. Not tonight. I'll catch up once we're home and Cal is more rested, albeit changed forever. He'll see then that I've changed almost as much as he has. Subtly, and in ways that no others would notice except for my brother. He'll see the underlying fear; always there; but now having risen closer to the surface and it'll be his turn to put on the brave face and tell me that it's okay now, that I shouldn't be terrified of him going off the deep end. That Rafferty's fix will give him the chance to make amends for all his screw ups. _

_There will be no amends made of course, that's just not how Cal functions, but I __**will**__ depend on him to be the brave one…for a brief time at least, so that I can rest. He might deny it until his final breaths, but between us, he's always been the stronger one; the braver one. _

_As a kid, my careful step-by-step actions were often a direct reaction to the fear of doing the wrong thing. Cal, though, he just moved forward and whatever happened, happened. Even at the age of four he had more courage in one of his small pale hands than I could ever hope to have in my entire self._

_I remember…one of those times, when a very young Cal showed his eight year old big brother how even a toddler can find valor enough for the both of them._

* * *

"Nik!"

Cal, proudly holding up a dollar store variety fish stick, called me happily over to the couch where he sat cross-legged munching on his dinner, eyes darting to and from the cartoon flashing in color from the TV screen.

"Nik! C'mere! Hurry!"

The fish stick waved in the air, strawberry yogurt being flung from side to side. I smiled and frowned at the same time, padding over to him.

"No messes, Cal. Eat it, don't play with it."

He was four. I was eight, but I was much older than eight in responsibility and in most other things that mattered. There was no choice, I had to be. I pushed his hand down, but he managed to fake me out, turn his arm up and around and shoved the fish stick right into my mouth. Blech! Strawberry fried fish sticks were not my idea of good food, but the cheap store in town had been out of vanilla flavored, not that vanilla yogurt was a better dip for seafood, but we couldn't afford tartar sauce and Cal didn't know any better.

"Chew it, Nik! S'good."

I made one of those _'this is disgusting, but it's so yummy'_ types of faces that I'd seen parents of other kids make, as I prepared to exit to the kitchen to spit it out. Cal snagged me first, yogurt covered hand smearing across my shirt sleeve.

"Cal," I said with disappointment, "Napkin, remember?"

Unfazed by my sour tone, Cal responded with, "Wannanotherone?" And he picked up another formerly frozen stick of generic fish.

"No, that's okay. You eat it. You need to keep eating so you'll get tall and strong one day."

"Like Nik!"

"Yup, just like Nik." I wiped his hand and face with the napkin that at some point had been balled up and tossed on the floor. Cal was many things, neat was not one of them. Not that I expected a four year old boy to be neat and tidy, but there were signs that he would one day grow up to be the world's biggest slob. I hoped I was wrong, but I didn't think I would be. "Right now, you're small, and it's because you play with your food instead of eating it. So, what does that mean?"

He thought about it. I could see the wheels turning right before he grinned and shoved another fish stick into my mouth. Giggles followed. There's nothing quite like the giggle of a four year old. It's contagious, even when you are trying very hard to keep a straight face. But I found myself laughing with him. Eventually, I did manage to get him to eat between laughter, but only if I would take a bite first and then he would take a bite. If it got him to eat, I'd do it. Food wasn't always a constant for us, so it was important that he eat everything I put on his plate.

He kept laughing and after the fish sticks were gone he stuck a finger into the remaining yogurt and licked it clean off, smacking his lips in the process. A happy child. Given our home life and our only parent being a hateful, drunken, verbally abusive mother, the fact that Cal was still happy and innocent at this age was a miracle. It made me happy too and that wasn't an easy emotion for me to feel…being happy…knowing what I already knew and knowing how bad things could get.

My brief taste of happy fled when I looked past Cal to see what was peering in at us from the window. I'd seen it before; several times now in the last few months. It's what Sophia had said Cal was; half of him anyway. Cal's monster. But Cal had never seen it and I would keep it that way as long as I possibly could. Evil red eyes and mouth full of needle sharp teeth, it grinned a pale grin that had nothing at all to do with happiness or innocence. I swallowed hard, smiles and laughter completely vanished from my face. My breathing

got faster and more difficult. I felt terrified, panicky and angry all in one huge emotion. I didn't know my hands were gripping so hard on Cal's arm until he said, "Nik, lemme go" and started to turn around to see what I was staring at.

I hurried for his attention. "CAL!" His head came back to me before it had a chance to see the monster. The breath I let out was covered with a fake cough and I moved Cal off the couch and to the kitchen. "We need to clean up, okay? You hand me your dish and I'll put it in the sink for you and we'll wash it together." He walked with me, but was still curious as to what my eyes had been so focused on near the window. I snagged at his shirt collar. "Focus here, Cal. Remember. You have to listen to me when I ask you to do something, okay? It's important."

The dark head nodded up at me and he refocused, the window forgotten. "'k, Nik. I promise. Here." Plate presented to me, I set it in the sink and then lifted Cal onto the tiny portion of the countertop between the sink and the mostly empty pantry cabinet. He couldn't see the window from there. "You sit here with me while I clean the plates. One day you'll be tall enough to reach the sink on your own, you know."

"Yeah, right now I'm small." Bubbles of soap flicked upward at me as he put his left hand in the dishwater and splashed, then reached over to pat my head. "Got bubbles in your hair, Nik," he grinned out.

"I see that. Thanks to you, little brother."

He patted me again, this time in an unexpected and oddly reassuring way. His young voice as calm and gentle as none his age before had ever achieved, as he said, "Don't be scared, Nik."

"Of the bubbles?" I asked as my eyebrows formed a confused 'V' shape.

"Nah," Cal returned kindly, "Of other stuff. You were scared. S'okay now."

I stopped cleaning the dishes long enough to stare into my brother's mirror gray eyes - the only physical characteristic that we shared – and was surprised and amazed in one breath. I was certain Cal hadn't seen the monster just now. I was more than certain that he'd _never_, at any time, seen the monster that Sophia constantly antagonized him about. But Cal knew that I knew something; that I had _seen_ something. What that something was, he wasn't sure, but he _had _seen the result. Whatever it was, it had scared his big brother, and in all his four year old wisdom, it was now his turn to be the brave one. To be concerned about the only one who had ever shown concern for him.

"You can be scared, but s'okay now, Nik, yeah?"

I discarded the paper towel I'd used to dry my hands and pulled Cal off the counter, hugging him to me as I did. "Yeah, it's okay now, Cal." Setting him down, he stayed at my side for a long minute. His normal routine after dinner was to hurry to our mattress, pull out his set of four crayons and scribble in his worn and overused coloring books until I came to watch TV with him. His delay in the routine was intended to comfort me. From what, he didn't exactly know, but there was no doubt that Cal had known fear before and he knew that he didn't want his big brother to feel that same way. Not ever.

When he didn't move towards our mattress, I took his hand, led him there and we sat together coloring in his beat up old books until the crayons were nothing more than tiny nubs and our hands were stained red, green, blue and yellow. It was late by then. And quiet - Sophia having not come home yet – and I didn't feel scared anymore. I would, eventually, there was simply no denying that fact, not with what stalked my brother, but right now? It was okay right now. Cal had said so and who was I to argue with one so young and so wise? I'd kept his happiness and his innocence intact, and in turn, he'd take it upon himself to be strong for his big brother when needed.

What he didn't know lurked outside the windows…and within him…would allow him to continue to keep that happy and that innocence inside of him for a little while longer.

And I'd eat yogurt covered fish sticks and splash soap bubbles in my hair for the rest of my life if that's what it took. Of course, I wasn't foolish enough to believe that we would have any kind of a happy ending like that, but for Cal, I could believe it. For Cal, I could and would believe and do anything.

* * *

_Cal's innocence hadn't lasted much longer. He saw that first monster when he was five. It all started making sense to him then despite my best efforts. I'd kept him happy and innocent until then though. I was glad for that. Proud for it. And first chance I got after we'd finally found a home and settled in New York, I bought him a box of toxic-laden fish sticks and container of sugar-rich strawberry yogurt. The first thing he did upon receiving that box was to stuff one of those same toxic-laden fish sticks straight up my nose. _

_I smiled at the thought, still watching my brother sleep. That had been Cal, taking charge and being brave again. It's not just anyone who would try and stuff a fish stick up the nose _

_of the human version of a lethal weapon. I'd been in a good mood that day, and that _

_had been fortunate…for him. After all, I could have killed him with that fish stick._

* * *

The End


End file.
